we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
