I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
