No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize