I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
