I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
