He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
