I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
