I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
