i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
