I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
