Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize