I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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