I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
