Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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