Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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