You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
