Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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