I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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