First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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