My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
