i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
