I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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