Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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