You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
