Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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