did you get engaged???
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
