hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
