You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
