some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
