where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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