Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
