i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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