Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
