I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize