you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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