just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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