definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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