end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
