Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
