You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
