Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
