Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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