I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
