Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
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