I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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