no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize