I didn't shave. On purpose
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
