Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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