WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
