It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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