I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
