Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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