My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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