5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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