He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
