I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize