It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
