thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
