Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
