If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
