Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
