Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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