Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize