I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
