I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
