I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
