I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
