you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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