You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
