The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
