Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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