So drunk its hurt
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
