Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
